The Blob
by Sparkles-Chan
Summary: The members of DBZ are thrown into a thrilling mystery, full of comedy, comedic horror, comedic drama, and other TV shows!


*Before you read this, I would like you to know that I don't actually want anyone to die, and I'm not going to sneak into their rooms with a bomb or anything, so don't think I'm a psychopath and try to tell me that I'm evil. This story was written for amusement purposes only, and to avoid any confusion that might occur, I NEVER ACTUALLY LOVED VEGETA! IT IS SIMPLY PART OF THE STORY! Also, this story contains characters from certain TV shows. I thank the creators of these people for allowing me to use them in my story. Now you may continue. Thank you for your time.*  
  
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The Blob  
  
Written by: Helga  
  
Major Help from: Heidi  
  
Minor Help from: Gunter, Lt. Lime Jello, Chiquita Banana, and Monkey Head  
  
1 Chapter One: The Call  
  
One uneventful sunny day, four guys and one girl were sitting in their living room in Orlando, watching a football game and eating pork rinds. Well, four of them were watching football. Gohan was playing with a Barbie doll.  
  
These five people all had one thing in common: they actually LIKED the boy band O-Town. (God forbid.) Therefore, they decided to make their own band, and call it the exact same thing. (They weren't very much on creativity.) So they called up Lou Pearlman to get a record deal, who considered it the greatest idea that he had ever had, and immediately signed them. Bulma often got razzed for being the only girl in the group, but Lou had two arguments for her case. The first was that Gohan was more of a girl than she was. The second one was that every boy band needs an intellectual type, and since she was the only one with a brain, she was the best qualified. (I mean come on, she's hardly the tall dark and handsome type.)  
  
Just then, a team scored a touchdown. Bardock jumped up and yelled, "TOUCHDOWN!!!!! YEAH!!!!!" He started dancing around the room, and little water droplets that looked surprisingly similar to pond scum flew out of his hair and landed on the other guys. er, people.  
  
"Hey Bardock, cut it out!" whined Buu. "I don't know why you're so excited. That's the third touchdown they've scored in the last four minutes."  
  
"Yeah," chimed in Bulma. "It's not even a real football game. They're playing the Bears." Bardock looked a little hurt, the Bears being his favorite team. He tried to cover his hair-grease stained orange and blue T-shirt with his arms, but it wasn't working. He hadn't realized that he had cheered for the team he wanted to lose, but what can we expect from a person with an IQ lower than a baked potato?  
  
"And how many times do we have to tell you to take a shower, Scrum?" (That's their nickname for Bardock. It's a cross between scummy and grimy.) "I swear, one day that ooze on your head is going to take on a life of it's own." After Vegeta's harsh words, Scrum sat down on the couch again, which was soggy, seeing as how his hair had dripped all over it. Just then, the phone rang.  
  
"I'll get it!" Gohan yelled. He set Malibu Barbie down and ran to the front door. He yanked it open, looked outside, and when he found no one there he looked so disappointed that they thought he was about to cry. Buu, having no tact, decided to yell at him.  
  
"The phone rang you idiot, not the doorbell!" At that moment the microwave buzzed, and Buu opened his cell-phone importantly and started talking to the imaginary person at the other end.  
  
Gohan then trudged to the phone, the rosatia on his face becoming an even darker red. He picked it up, listened for a while, then hung up and ran into the living room and turned off the TV. Instantly he was pelted with pork rinds, dirty gym socks, and old banana peels.  
  
After the barrage of Bardock's favorite foods, Gohan finally got a chance to speak. "We just got a phone call from a mysterious stranger with a muffled voice! He said we won an overnight stay at an old mansion on Elm Street! Isn't that cool?"  
  
Everyone agreed that this was the greatest thing since baked gym socks, but they wanted to know how they won the trip. "Maybe it's Publisher's Clearing House," suggested Vegeta.  
  
"No, stupid," replied Scrum. "That's when people come and clear everything out of your house, and then they publish a story about it. Duh."  
  
Vegeta just stared at him a moment, and then backed away slowly, careful to make no sudden movements or loud noises. Buu felt the need to put in his two cents, so he spoke up. "Who cares how we won it? We won a free trip! Let's go!"  
  
Everyone agreed and ran upstairs to pack. The only problem that occurred was when Scrum got a Barbie shoved up his nose when he told Gohan that he wasn't allowed to bring any "wussy toys". Scrum then retreated to his room to finish packing his GI Joes.  
  
Soon they were in the old mansion, which had "creepy" written all over it. They decided to go on a tour of the house. After the parlor was the sitting room, then the dining room, then the kitchen. Bardock pulled open a pair of old, rusty doors. The next room was pitch black. Instinctively, all five of them pulled closer together and entered the darkened area. Gohan flipped the light switch, and instantly the room filled with purple, red, green, and blue lights, and a disco ball came down from the ceiling to shine on the karaoke machine.  
  
"Yes!" Bulma exclaimed. "The perfect place to practice our songs! All we have to do is pop the tape in and work on our moves. Especially you, Buu. You're moving your mouth too much. Remember, no one's supposed to KNOW that we're lip-syncing, got it?" Buu pretended he hadn't heard, and turned to console Gohan. After all, they hadn't found a toy room.  
  
All of the sudden the lights flickered, and the cheesy elevator music Scrum had turned on stopped. The phone rang. Gohan gave Buu a superior look and went to answer the phone. Once again he listened and hung up without saying anything. He came back to the terrified group and, with a puzzled look on his face, said, "Gee, I wonder who that was. It was the same mysterious voice I heard before. He said we'd never get out of this house alive. Does that mean we get to live here forever?" He flinched at the sound of four people smacking their heads simultaneously.  
  
Buu decided to take charge. "Okay fellas, I've seen every horror movie that was ever made. I know exactly what to do. As long as you listen to me, you'll live." He waited as everyone nodded their heads in agreement, and Vegeta wiped Scrum's ooze off of himself. Then he continued. "First order of business: to the phone!" They all marched towards the telephone.  
  
"Who are you going to call?" Vegeta asked.  
  
"GHOST BUSTERS!" Gohan yelled excitedly. Vegeta gave him a weird look, but decided not to say anything.  
  
"A professional," replied Buu. With that, he picked up the phone and dialed Sarah Michelle Gellar's number. Freddie Prinze Jr. answered the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, this is Buu from the group O-Town. Put Buffy on."  
  
"You mean Sarah? Why do you want to talk to her? She's MY girlfriend."  
  
"Not Sarah, Buffy. Just put her on, man, this is important."  
  
Just then a female voice came on the line. "Yes?" Sarah asked.  
  
"Buffy, hi! This is Buu from O-Town. I think we've got a vampire on our hands here. We're gonna need your help."  
  
"Uh, look dude. Buffy is just a character in a show. I'm an actress. You should know something about acting if you say you're from Old Town."  
  
"O-Town."  
  
"Whatever. The point is, I wouldn't know the first thing about how to kill a vampire, even if they did exist."  
  
"We'll give you a nice stake!" Buu cried as a last ditch effort.  
  
Sarah, who was just about to hang up, suddenly had renewed interest. "Steak? Hmm. You've got a deal! I'll be there in five."  
  
Buu hung up the phone, looking smug. Vegeta asked, "How is she going to know where to find us? You didn't give the address."  
  
"Oh, she'll just follow the trail of ooze on the road. Scrum's habit of hanging his head out the window and panting came in handy! All that obedience school finally paid off!" Bardock beamed proudly. Gohan scratched Scrum's belly to make his leg twitch. "Now cut that out! This is serious!" Buu yelled. "The next thing we have to do is split up. I want each of you to go hide someplace where you can be easily found but not easily heard if you're screaming for help, got it?" Again, four people nodded their heads, and again, someone got Bardock-ooze on them. On that heart-warming note, they split up. None of them noticed the pair of white go-go boots sticking out from behind the curtains.  
  
1.1 Chapter Two: Too Hot to Handle  
  
All five of them ran in different directions. Vegeta ran into the kitchen, frantically looking for a place to hide. He tried to hide in the pantry, but he saw some dust and didn't want to get his precious pink polo shirt and khakis dirty. He tried to hide under the table, but it did horrible things to his hair, which he had spent an hour jelling this morning. Next he tried to hide in the refrigerator, but there wasn't enough room. After all that he became hysteric and started sobbing.  
  
Then he heard footsteps.  
  
His tears immediately stopped, and he started running around the kitchen in circles, not knowing what to do. Finally he got an idea. As the footsteps grew ever closer, he hid in the oven. It was a bit cramped, and the door wouldn't close all the way, but it was the best place he could think of to hide. Suddenly the kitchen door swung open, and in walked a person with a white shirt, pink skirt, and blue hair. "Damn!" thought Vegeta to himself. "He's wearing a mask!" Haley was wearing a black Zorro mask to hide her eyes.  
  
"Vegeta, I know you're in here!" she cried out. "So listen, and listen good."  
  
"Oh my God!" Vegeta thought. "It's a girl!"  
  
"I know you said you dumped me because you didn't want to hurt me if you were never around because of this stupid boy band idea, but that's not good enough!"  
  
"Oh my God!" thought Vegeta. "It's Haley!" At that thought he bumped his head on the top of the oven. "I hope she didn't hear that!" he thought as the loud bang reverberated through the house.  
  
Haley continued her ranting and raving. "We could have made it work Vegeta! I loved you! How could you do that to me?! Now you're going to pay!" With that, she stalked over to the oven and slammed the door completely shut.  
  
"OW!" cried Vegeta. He had gotten hit in the head with the door. "As if I'm not uncomfortable enough."  
  
Then Haley turned the oven on full heat and left the room. Vegeta, who was too stupid to realize that he was going to die, stayed in the oven. When it finally occurred to him at 350 degrees Fahrenheit that maybe this was not the BEST place to be, he still lacked the mental prowess needed to open the door and get out. Thus, Vegeta died.  
  
Just then, Bulma jumped down from the light fixture. She had witnessed the whole thing. She had her suspicions now, but she was still not entirely sure who the killer was. She looked at the oven and had a brief moment of silence. Then she turned and snuck out of the room.  
  
Chapter Three: (Insert Creepy Title)  
  
After he was told to separate himself from the rest of the group, Gohan went and hid in the living room. He couldn't fit under the couch, so instead he stood in the corner and hoped he looked like a lamp that just happened to be wearing an Aeropostale shirt. He really wanted to have his favorite Stacey doll with him, but thanks to Scrum, he hadn't brought it.  
  
Just then, a person clothed in a blue dress, white go-go boots, and a black Zorro mask walked in. Her black hair was in pigtails. She looked quickly around the room and spotted Gohan, who was quivering in the corner with a lampshade on his head.  
  
"I see you Gohan," Videl said as she sauntered over to him.  
  
Gohan started trembling even more. "I'm a lamp I'm a lamp! Clap on." he clapped his hands twice. "Clap off." he clapped twice again. "The Clapper! See?"  
  
Videl smirked. "You haven't changed a bit." Her smirk turned into a frown. "I loved you! I wanted to marry you!" She broke down crying. "I wanted to have your children! Ever since you joined this fake group, you started acting like the REAL Ashley Angel, not my Gohan! You even went so far as to get rosatia surgically implanted in your face! So I tried to act like Ashley's girlfriend, hoping that maybe you'd like me more then. Look! I've even got the freaking go-go boots!" Videl pointed to the really dumb looking shoes, then continued. "But for what?! You still dumped me!" Videl threw herself onto the floor and had a tantrum. One of her flailing limbs hit Gohan in the knee.  
  
"I'm a lamp I'm a lamp." he whimpered, trying to hold back the tears.  
  
Videl stood up, her emotional breakdown over for the moment. "You always were a wimp," she sneered. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills with a 1-800 number on it. "Hey Gohan," she taunted, "recognize THESE?"  
  
"Hey," Gohan said, discarding the lampshade on his head. "Aren't those the pills from that stupid rosatia infomercial that they show in the wee hours of the morning?"  
  
"Um, yeah. Did you ever think that maybe you NEED them?"  
  
"Hey!" Gohan replied, "I don't have rosatia! My cheeks are just naturally rosy." He beamed. Videl resisted the urge to retch.  
  
"I don't think so." Videl took a step closer, trying to undo the cap. She stopped walking. "Damn! This thing's child-proof!" she yelled, struggling with it. "Gohan," she said in a seductive tone, "I need a big, strong, gir-.man.to help me open this." She looked at him coyly and handed him the bottle. Gohan took it and opened it with minor difficulty.  
  
"Here you go!" he said proudly, handing her the opened bottle.  
  
"Thanks," she replied. With that, she poured out a handful of pills and shoved them down his throat. His rosatia instantly disappeared, but then he crumpled to the floor. He had died of an overdose.  
  
At that moment, Videl dropped to her knees next to him. "What have I done?!" she exclaimed, and started sobbing. "I killed the love of my life!" Just then, a thought came to her. "Wait a minute. he dumped me!" She dried her tears and got up. She gave Gohan's corpse a kick and was about to leave the room when Haley walked in.  
  
"Videl," Haley said, "I'm feeling really bad about killing Vegeta. I mean, I DID love him. I just don't think I want to be a part of this any more."  
  
"That's okay Haley. I understand. I'll take care of the rest of them." Videl replied.  
  
"Thanks." Haley gave Videl a hug and left the house.  
  
Chapter Four: Talk About Channel Surfing  
  
Buu, who had been sitting in a sound-proof closet rocking back and forth, abruptly stopped singing the stupid, annoying, maddening, infuriating, irritating, bothersome, exasperating, aggravating, and frustrating flower-shirt song that Erik from the first O-Town and all the teenyboppers seem to love and raised his head. "Hmm." he thought. "I could swear that I just heard the door close." He stepped out of the closet into the living room, immediately spotting Videl, even though he didn't know who she was. He stopped dead in his tracks and was trying to decide whether or not to go back inside the closet when Videl saw him.  
  
"Who.who are you?" Buu stammered. Before she could answer, Bulma jumped out from under the couch.  
  
"She's the killer!" Bulma yelled. "The other one left, but SHE'S still here, and she's going to try to kill the rest of us!"  
  
"What?!" Bardock exclaimed, emerging from the grandfather clock. "Who's the killer?" He looked accusingly at Buu.  
  
"She is!" Bulma pointed to Videl, who stood smirking in the corner. "And I know her true identity!" Videl's smirk turned into a worried frown, and she took a menacing step towards them.  
  
At that moment, the door opened, and Sarah Michelle Gellar walked in. Everyone turned to look at her.  
  
"Hi," she said timidly. "I got a call about a vampire?" She looked around the room, waiting for someone to speak.  
  
"Who's she?" Bulma whispered to Scrum.  
  
"I don't know," he replied.  
  
"It's Buffy!" cried Buu.  
  
In the midst of the confusion, Rocko walked in, accompanied by Filbert.  
  
"What's the beaver doing here?" Videl asked.  
  
"I am not a beaver! I'm a wallaby! And this is my friend Filbert. He's a turtle."  
  
"At the risk of sounding redundant," Videl continued, "what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well," Rocko replied, "as you all know, me and Filbert here were created by the wonderful people at Nickelodeon Studios for the cartoon show Rocko's Modern Life. We come from a place called O-Town. We're here to kill the members of O-Town, the group, for disgracing our good town's name. We can't even do anything anymore! There's always a band of raging teenyboppers looking for the group O-Town in our town of O-Town! A whole herd of them killed Heffer in a stampede! We're here for revenge!"  
  
"You're from Orlando too?!" asked Buu incredulously. "Cool!"  
  
With that, Rocko snarled and brandished some ninja stars, knocking Filbert onto his shell in the process. He rocked back and forth, trying to get up. "Oh, fish-sticks." He muttered.  
  
Videl, thinking quickly, pounced on them and captured them in a bottle that she just happened to have handy. "Ha! I'M going to kill them, not you!" she yelled to the blinking eyes staring at her from the bottle. She carried them into the kitchen and dumped them down the garbage disposal. She walked back into the living room, dusting off her hands. "Back to the main order of business!" she exclaimed. She reached into one of her white go-go boots and pulled out. nothing. "Damn," she said. "I guess I forgot the knife." She looked around quickly and spotted a pile of O-Town CDs.  
  
"Ha!" Bulma yelled. "You can't kill us now!"  
  
"Bulma!" Bardock and Buu whined in unison. "Tell us who the killer is! We want to know!"  
  
"You retards!" Bulma exploded, entering into a fit of rage. "I hate being in a band with you! Don't you recognize the boots?!"  
  
Videl, insulted, looked at her white go-go boots and whined, "Whaaaaat?"  
  
Bardock and Buu realized that they had just been insulted, but didn't exactly know how, so they just shook their heads "no". Buu had to wipe Bardock-ooze off of his head.  
  
Bulma sighed, "The killer is-" she was cut off when a CD made impact with her jugular. Videl had chucked a handful of O-Town CDs at her like Frisbees.  
  
"Ha!" she yelled. "That's all that those nasty CDs are good for!"  
  
Some of Bulma's blood splattered into Buu's eye. Buu, thinking it was Bardock-ooze again, let out a revolted sigh and wiped his eye. He looked at his fingertips and said, "Umm, Bardock, I think your ooze is changing colors! It's red now!"  
  
"Really? Cool!" Scrum swiped a handful of ooze off what some aliens might recognize as hair and looked at it hopefully. "Nope," he said dejectedly. "Still green." He dumped his handful of ooze onto the floor, and Buu wiped his fingers on his pants disgustedly.  
  
Chapter Five: Untimely Demises  
  
"Okay," Sarah said, "I thought I came here to kill some kind of imaginary vampire and get steak."  
  
Videl took a step forward. "But I'm not imaginary." And she immediately turned into a vampire.  
  
Everyone in the room clapped their hands over their mouths and let out a gasp. "I don't believe it!" they yelled.  
  
"I do." Buu said.  
  
*(I didn't feel like writing out a fight scene, so use your imaginations. I apologize for any inconvenience.)*  
  
They fight.  
  
"You bitch!" Sarah yelled, and pushed Videl. Videl lost her balance, tripped over her white go-go boots, and fell into the fireplace, where there was a raging fire. All of the sudden she burst into dust and was killed.  
  
Just then, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Sarah said, and left an astonished Buu and Bardock to go answer the door. Right when she was about to open it, the person on the other side got impatient and opened the door, which hit Sarah's nose, jamming it into her brain, killing her instantly.  
  
Freddie Prinze Jr., feeling the impact, peeked around the door and saw Sarah, lying dead on the ground. "Oh no!" he yelled. "I killed her!" He started sobbing hysterically. With that, he looked around frantically and spotted a flight of stairs leading down into the basement. He ran towards them at full speed and took a flying leap, yelling, "I'm coming Sarah!" as he fell. Bardock and Buu, very bewildered at this point, heard a loud THUD. Then they heard the words, "Damn! Didn't work!" followed by the sound of footsteps running back up the stairs. Freddie reappeared at the top of the staircase and launched himself down again. Not hearing anything for a while after the second thud, they assumed Freddie was dead.  
  
Scrum and Buu turned to look at each other, still trying to comprehend everything that just happened. Just then, they noticed that a greenish blob was forming on the floor where some of Bardock's ooze mixed with Bulma's blood, the broken O-Town CDs, and vampire dust. Soon, the blob grew so large that it filled the room and surrounded their feet. In no time at all, it was up to their knees and still rising.  
  
Bardock gasped loudly. "I just figured out who the killers were! It was Shirley Temple and Marilyn Monroe!"  
  
"You idiot, it wasn't them! It was Barney!" Buu looked at the ooze that was up to his armpits. "Well," he said idly, "Vegeta was right. Your ooze DID take on a life of it's own."  
  
Bardock looked a little hurt, and said nothing.  
  
"Wait!" Buu yelled. "White go-go boots! The killer is-" he was cut off when the ooze covered his mouth. A few seconds later, Buu and Scrum were completely covered by the blob, but they had died shortly before that. After all, how much Bardock-ooze can one person take before they die from the smell of it? The ooze soon became so large that it spilled out of the house.  
  
Chapter Six: Shell is back! (What a pun! Hehe!)  
  
Haley, who had been sitting outside on the curb, turned as the Blob oozed out of the house. "Oh my God!" she screamed, as she hurried to get up and run away. Not being hindered by white go-go boots, she quickly took refuge in the sewer, as the Blob passed by overhead. "Phew!" she said. Haley was safe.  
  
She walked along the sewer for a few minutes, and then thought she smelled pizza. Haley turned a corner and there, sitting in front of her, were three overgrown turtles, a rat, a guy, and a monkey. All of them were eating pizza and watching TV. They looked up as she arrived, and the one wearing the orange mask over his eyes said, "It's April!"  
  
"No way," replied the one wearing red. "That isn't April, it doesn't look a thing like her! I think you just miss her. Don't you remember? When we moved to Orlando, April stayed in New York with Leonardo!"  
  
"You guys are being rude," said the one in purple. He turned to face Haley. "Hi. Pardon my friends, they don't have manners." Everyone in the room turned to glare at him. "This is our sensei, Splinter," he said, pointing to the serene-looking rat who was wearing a tattered red bathrobe. "And this is our producer, Bubbles. He gets us all of our gigs." He pointed to the monkey, who howled in greeting. "I'm Donatello. The one in the red mask is Raphael, and the one in orange is Michaelangelo. We're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! There used to be one more of us, but he stayed in New York. So this guy responded to our add in the local paper and filled in for him!" He pointed to the only human in the room besides Haley, who also happened to be staring at her.  
  
She looked at him for a second, and then he seemed to realize that he was supposed to say something. "Oh!" he started, turning red. "Hi. I'm. I'm. uh. Crivell! Yeah, that's it!" He smiled triumphantly.  
  
At that moment, Cell popped his head in from an adjacent tunnel, and everyone twisted around to look at him. "I wanted to join the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but NOOOOOO! That Splinter guy wouldn't have it!" he cried, pointing to the rat, who gave him a dirty look. "Too violent, he said! You're not a turtle, he said! But I'll show him!"  
  
Crivell threw a piece of pizza at Cell and yelled, "Hey! I'm not a turtle and I got in! You just have a personality problem! I know it's hard to understand, but NOBODY LIKES YOU!" Cell stuck his tongue out at Crivell and departed.  
  
Everyone just sat there for a moment with weird looks on their faces. Then Haley swiveled to face Crivell again and smiled. "Hi, I'm Haley," she said, blushing a little herself. "Nice to meet you." She turned to face the whole group. "Actually, I'm glad I found you guys!" She explained about the Blob as best she could, and they all agreed to help her get rid of it.  
  
Just then, a shrimpy old geezer wearing a metal helmet and purple cape walked in. "Hidy-ho, everybody! Anyone for a rousing game of go- fish?"  
  
"Who's that?" Haley asked.  
  
"Oh, that's Shredder," Michaelangelo replied. "He used to be evil, but he decided it wasn't as much fun with out us there after we moved, so he came with us and now he's pretty cool. Wouldn't hurt a flea."  
  
"I see." Haley said. Before long, they were all engrossed in a very challenging game of go-fish.  
  
While above the sewer, the Blob was growing larger..  
  
"I have a taste for a balding, middle-aged, fat man." it rumbled.  
  
--Will Haley and her newfound friends save Lou Pearlman from the Blob? Find out next time on.... Aww, screw it. Who wants to save Lou Pearlman? Haley fell in love with Crivell and lived in the sewer with him for the rest of her life, happily ever after.  
  
THE END 


End file.
